Actually, I've had too many outpatient surgeries to qualify for rookie status. But there's always something new to learn or recall, so here are a few insights from my recent positive experience at Clovis Community Medical Center.

• Common sense: Don't schedule an elective procedure when there's a string of 100+ degree days forecast.
• Until electronic medical records are not only commonplace, but computer systems everywhere can talk to each other, be sure to bring updated copies of info about other procedures you've had, medications taken, homeopathic consumables, allergies and a notorized advanced directive. (Another hint: Be sure to spell the name of the docs correctly, especially if the procedure you're having is done by someone who's opened you up before.)
• Bring a phone tree -- one or two key folks to call other key folks so the recovery or pre-op noise is minimal.
• Look for serenity opportunities -- like the Valley videos and soothing music looped through the flat-screen TV's at Clovis Community.
• Remember the names of the registration folks, the PAs, nurses and rehab folks who are helping you out and, as much your soaring blood pressure and sapped recollection allow, call them by their names.
• Appreciate things like the "roadmaps" showing the steps you need to take and where you need to go -- registration, lab, cardiology, outpatient waiting. It's great when hospitals have a faux GPS, as they also do at Community Regional Medical Center, where you can check on the progress of a loved one by a number on a video board.
• Also appreciate the repetitions, as obvious as they seem: Why are you here today? What (arm/leg) is being operated on? Who is here to drive you home? Let's talk about what you can or can't do in the next 24-72 hours. There are some places where intense devotion to scripting, to routine is paramount -- like operating rooms, airplane cockpits and airport control towers.
• Delicacies can mean different things when you've been fasting for 18 hours. The smell of coffee, the intoxicating aroma of a french fry, the otherwise not-annoying banter of staff who're longing for a lunch break while you're longing for that first breaking of fast after surgery -- the sweet, tongue curling crunch of that first Graham cracker! A grand precursor to a take-home lunch from Evert's Bistro.
• Remember to love the ones you're with -- who are at least as worried about you as you are especially when you remind them where life insurance policies are and that all bills are paid to date. Think See's candy, lingering kisses -- pre-op bad breath and all.
• Expect that ol' dog you've loved all those years, whose favorite recliner you'll be occupying when you lurch back the house, may not greet your return at the back door with a Disney-style aw-shucks welcome but rather something requiring a wad of paper towel and a rug sanitzer.
• Finally, if it's a knee that's being fixed, it's a totally manly thing for that appendage to be shaved, bathed, eventually ensconced in a totally un-sexy white pressure stocking and plopped, along with your totally momentarily buzzed body into a wheelchair.  All that will enhance one of the ultimate recovery experiences -- shedding that itchy stocking and clumsily stepping into the shower with your remaining bandages having been swaddled in plastic wrap. Quick-sale steaks at the Vons discount rack never looked so zesty!